I think most of us want to do the right thing by our parents, relatives, loved ones. We want to help them out when they need help. Be there for them in their old age or when they need help. We do what we can…just like they have done for us in the past. We help.
But, when that helping takes over our lives…highjacks our retirement…I want to call that situation into question. And, I see it all the time.
Here is a typical retirement hijacking scenario
The parents get old and cannot do everything they use to do. You and your spouse help them out. Then things get worse and they need more and more help…even need help doing the bills and keeping the house clean. You help. Finally, things get to the point that you and your retired spouse realize that you ARE the support system for the parents. The sister ten states away can send a bit of money, the brother now living in another country can come in once a year for a week to help out, but most of the time, you are it.
And…there goes your freedom, your time, your feeling of fairness and the retirement you had worked so hard to earn. You are….STUCK. And, admit it: you are angry about it.
By the time the parents pass away, you are too old, too broke and too dispirited to grab that great retirement you meant to have.
Retirement options to explore
Well, it does not have to be this way. YOU can make it turn out different. Realize that very old parents probably are going to be resistant to change, are not going to go into assisted living willingly and will need YOU to make those decisions for them. I’ve been through this process and it is tough. However, at the end of it, the parents are very well taken care of and my retirement life has been regained.
Check out A PLACE FOR MOM. They do their fabulous work totally free. They helped me find a great place for my mom and my sister, helped me with the conversations that led up to those moves, gave me ideas on how to handle the financial aspects of the change, and have been a resource to me whenever I need them…and I have needed them a lot. I love A Place for Mom.
You do not owe your parents or anyone else the ruination of your life or retirement
If you are angry, worn out, disappointed, sad, overburdened or just plain annoyed at how caring for your loved ones has turned out for you…DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Get the help of professionals who are standing by ready to help you.
You can do this, and when you do, all lives will improve.
And PS: the scenario could also be that your daughter has basically handed the raising of her two children over to you while she works to pay the bills. I say, give her six months to figure out how to do this without you, and then resign your position as full-time retired unpaid babysitter. The onus is on you to take action to stop this situation.
IT IS UP TO YOU TO PUT A STOP TO THE RETIREMENT HIGHJACKERS.
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