In the late 1990’s, Linda and I lived in NYC at 45 Wall Street. Strange place to live, but we loved it. In fact, I loved just about everything about living in NYC.
NYC had the best of everything, including radio. One day, I rented a car and was on my way to apologize to an insurance broker that we had screwed up on a deal in New Jersey. Had to rent a car…did not own one in the City. I was listening to Joan Rivers on her number one rated radio show. She was her normal crazy/funny self…but also took calls. On this particular day, she had heard a rumor that Hillary Clinton was about to come out as a lesbian. Joan spoke directly to her own large following from the gay community and said something like…”I have always been there for you. Have always helped you to raise funds or increase awareness. And now I need you. If any of you have ever had an affair with Hillary, call me now. I want all the details and I want them now before anyone else can break the story.” She said this half jokingly…but you could tell she was not kidding. She kept coming back to the request time after time. No calls.
Now…we were not the most politically correct nor advanced in our thinking about a lot of things back in the 1990’s…but even then this felt a bit wrong to me. First, I was quite certain that a persons sex life was a private matter. Second, I have always hated rumors…so unfair. Third…no one on earth would blame Hillary for getting back at Bill. And last…what does the “lesbian affair” aspect have to do with anything? So…kind of felt wrong to me…but I will admit it had me smiling.
I pulled over to the side of road in rural New Jersey and called Joan. I got the screener. I changed my voice to sound as much like a woman as I could. I explained that I had a long affair with Hillary…was reluctant to talk about it…but dearly loved Joan and would help her out with specifics, dates, places and whatever else she needed…and would do so right now live on the radio. I got passed right through to Joan.
Joan was pretty excited and thanked me profusely. She offered to speak to me off the air, but I told her this needed to come out and I was ready to share the information with the world. She asked some leading questions and I could tell my answers just about stopped her in her tracks. I tried not to get too specific, but gave her and the audience a clear understanding of the depravity and wanton behavior that Hillary and I had enjoyed for many years. She bought it hook, line and sinker. Finally she said…”To tell you the truth, I never suspected Hillary Clinton of this kind of behavior…I am just speechless.” I said…”Hillary Clinton….what does Hillary Clinton have to do with it?” A moment of silence and then she said…”You are speaking of Hillary Clinton…right?” I said…”Hell no. I thought you meant Sir Edmund Hillary (famous for being the first to climb Mt.Everest). I had an affair with him for years. Hillary always wanted to wear his climbing gear to bed and always called me his sweet little sherpa.”
At that point she laughed…just a little…and said “I’m hanging up on you now…no one gets more laughs than me on this show” and the phone went dead.
I laughed all the way to the brokers office, but the laughter ended there…we really had screwed up and the broker tore me to shreds. Life in the big city…and I loved it.
God bless Joan…I miss her.